They had a tale of 5 year long relationship to be retold at their wedding. I still remember their days of courtship, while we were still in college. All the hours they used to spend over phone, the surprise gifts that arrived on Valentine's day, birthdays. Theirs was a relationship we all used to envy, but say "touch wood, this stays forever".
After the wedding, she traveled abroad with her husband. Pictures of their cozy life flooded FB and they were branded as one of the "happily ever after" couples of a fairy tale. As I myself had a stage where in I decided to stay away from FB and friends, it didn't surprise me the fact I had lost contact with most of my friends. Life went on.
She was a jovial person in college. In a place where you had 'gangs', she surprised all of us by being friends with all. She was very popular among friends. But today, the person standing in front of me looked completely different. She looked suddenly very old. The person whom I have never seen without a wide grin on her face, barely managed a smile when she saw me. I felt very odd talking to her. Maybe she also felt the same about meeting me that we both found excuses to make a quick exit.
Later that evening, she pinged me in FB. Casually I checked her profile. Her profile no longer carried any pics of her, except the one she had as profile picture. Her relationship status has been removed. I felt it quite odd.
With the kind of behavior she had put up with me that day, I was trying to limit my talks to a casual hello. But what followed was shocking.
"Poorni, I didn't talk to you much today because I was not prepared". She said.
"Prepared for what? For God's sake, we were in the same class for a few years yaar". I made no attempt to hide my disappointment.
"Well...I am going through a bad phase in my life."
I cooled down a bit. I know how it feels like so stopped egging her for more information.
"I am getting divorced".
I re-read the statement, just to make sure that I had read it right. For a fraction of second, I doubted my reasoning skills. Am I in some kind of trance? This couldn't be. I mean...this couldn't just happen. They were the best and happiest couple ever.
"Oh Ok."
"So what else is happening? So you working in Trivandrum?"
Often we don't have any idea of how our reactions could hurt others, beyond our wildest imagination. I didn't want to discuss much with her. If she felt comfortable talking about it, I knew she would go on. Or else, it was none of my business to know what went wrong.
"Ya...I am working here. I wanted to move out of all those sympathetic words and statements. You don't know what all people speak."
"I can understand that dear".
I know this is not an incident worth blogging, but why I consider this worth blogging is the increasing number of similar people I have been running into.
Another friend who is very close to me, gave me the shock of my life when she confided in me that her marriage was over. She was bold enough to have covered it behind a sweet smile.
I found it shocking, when some one confided in me that she was a divorcee. I felt proud about my friend, who considered it her ill fate and moved forward in life, leaving behind the ghosts of a bad marriage.
Our women have managed to hoist themselves on their own. All are focusing their attention on their career now.
Though we call ourselves to be part of a "highly civilised educated and sophisticated society", we still have double standards. Why do we look at divorcees through a coloured lens? This could happen to any one tomorrow. You, me, your daughter, sister, anyone. I have heard people making statements at these women's 'inability to pull together the strings of a marriage' to her integrity.
Lets try and accept this fact guys. When two individuals start living together (even if they have known each other all their lives), differences could pop up. They definitely do make sincere attempts to sort things out. But some times it just doesn't work out. Its something absolutely personal.
Rather than, looking at them sympathetically or making statements about their integrity lets extend our support to them; a word of comfort would go a long away. If that's not possible, lets just keep our mouths shut.
